Coming Out in the LDS Church

The author of (Gay) Mormon Guy was kind enough to write to me sharing his feelings and experiences after revealing his identity to friends and loved ones, and how things have changed, or not changed, now that they know.





The most common question I’ve had since letting my worlds collide is this: “What has it been like? How have people responded?”

The answer is different from what I expected it would be.

Not much has happened, and not much has changed.

I guess I should add some caveats to that statement. Most people who have contacted me were surprised when I shared this part of my life, and a handful of close family members were concerned when they realized that I was sharing it publicly – for the whole world to see. But beyond a few concerns, everyone was supportive and loving… which isn’t really a difference from how they acted before November. My classmates and professors tell me that they admire me. Okay. A few more people in my life have shared their personal stories and struggles with me, and a few others have asked for advice for their family and friends. But beyond the first conversations I had with them, the topic hasn’t come up.

If I look just at a list of things that have transpired, a lot has happened. I’ve tried to throw myself into a new environment with the hope that I can make a difference… and maybe see a difference in my life. I attended a conference sponsored by the Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists on attraction research, was filmed as part of the Voices of Hope project, performed at a Christmas fireside for North Star, met dozens of members of the community, and talked with people that before I had only ever heard of. But it still feels like life hasn’t changed at all.

I wonder why. I mean, most of the people I’ve known who came out did so and suddenly “felt amazing” – like they had a new lease on life. Their relationships seemed more real, their life more worthwhile, whatever. Granted, I didn’t share this part of my life to get closer to people… but somewhere inside I guess I expected the same thing to happen to me. I have a really hard time getting close to people. Making friends is almost impossible… and keeping them is even harder. Somewhere I believed that being more open and honest would make it easier for me to get close to people and develop real friendships. Maybe not having absolutely everything about my life available for public perusal was an obstacle in relationships. And maybe for some people it is. But I definitely don’t feel that way.

Part of it might be because I have a blog. I had a classmate remark that someone had talked to him about my blog, after reading for a few hours… and yet had never talked to me about his experience. Why? But I guess maybe it makes sense - if you can get inside my head vicariously, and find out everything that I think on the subject without ever having to ask potentially awkward questions, why go to the real person?

I think that most of the reason why nothing has changed comes from the reality that I have much larger obstacles in my ability to connect with people. Whether from autism or something else, I feel like I’m always an outsider. At support group events, at church, at family gatherings, at school, at MBA council meetings… everywhere I go, I feel like a little kid in a group of grown-ups, or someone visiting from out of town. Interesting, a bit peculiar, and maybe even enlightening. But at the end of the day, I’m still someone on the outside looking in. And that hasn’t changed with the simple revelation that I’m attracted to guys. If anything, that revelation has seemed to make it harder for people to relate to me, and me to them.

So that’s what has changed. Not much. People know who I am, I’ve met a handful of people in the community, and now I have no secrets. But sharing my identity didn’t solve any of the relationship problems I was facing, nor did it suddenly provide me with an ability to work through my hardest times in life.

But even if it didn’t solve my relationships, it was worth it. The few people whose lives I’ve been able to touch… the few people who’ve been lifted in some way – that made it worthwhile.

The Gospel of Jesus' Wife

Prof. Karen L. King recently unveiled the translation of a fragment of Coptic papyrus at the Tenth International Congress of Coptic Studies in Rome. This is the papyrus:

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 According to Prof. King, this is what it says:

This has obviously gotten a lot of media attention. Ever since Dan Brown's novel, The Da Vinci Code, people have been fascinated by this old question. Did Jesus have a wife?

However, Prof. King says that this papyrus does nothing to prove or disprove the idea that Jesus was married. When asked if this proves that Jesus had a wife, she said,

"No, this fragment does not provide evidence that Jesus was married. The comparatively late date of this Coptic papyrus (a fourth century CE copy of a gospel probably written in Greek in the second half of the second century) argues against its value as evidence for the life of the historical Jesus."

She says that the fragment only proves that early Christians discussed it and held the belief that he was married.  Now, I'm no Harvard Professor, but I would have to disagree. This isn't a fragment showing what Christians discussed or talked about. This is a fragment showing what Jesus actually allegedly said.  If the fragment is accurate, then it isn't proof that Christians discussed Jesus' marriage. It's proof that Jesus discussed his own marriage.

So the question then is whether or not the fragment accurately depicts a conversation between Jesus and disciples, or if it's just more early Christian apocrypha. That is, whether or not this conversation ever actually happened.

One of the main issues with the fragments reliability is pointed out by Darrell L. Bock, senior research professor of New Testament Studies at Dallas Theological Seminary. He says that  it represents "a very small minority in a much later period than original Christianity ... It is a fourth century text in a fringe gnostic group that is not representative of the larger groups that are [part of] Christianity."

In other words, the people writing this account were a group that had already split off from "original Christianity" and who do not necessarily represent their views. Does this automatically mean that their account is false? No, but it should at least give us pause. Bock also said that "this is one text among a mountain of texts that say Jesus was single. If the papyrus is authentic, it would be the first text to suggest that Jesus had a wife". We would have to start finding a lot more scrolls that describe him as being married before we started to seriously consider the possibility.

A quick side note about that last claim, that this is one text among a mountain of others that say he was single.  Daniel Peterson, a professor of Middle Eastern Studies at BYU said of all these contradicting texts, 

"Well, honestly, I can't think of a single one that does ... The fact is his marital status is never discussed ... The earliest historical documents about Jesus simply don't say one way or another," Peterson said. "You can't prove that he was, but you can't prove that he wasn't."

So was Jesus married? Possibly, but if we are ever going to find the answer to that question, it won't be from this fragment.

Nikola Tesla on Religion

Nikola Tesla, probably the greatest inventor in the last several hundred years, is another one who is sometimes called an atheist. Not often, though. His religious background is fairly well-known, but his name is occasionally added to lists of famous atheists.

The reason is quotes like this:

"Religion is simply an ideal. It is an ideal force that tends to free the human being from material bonds. I do not believe that matter and energy are interchangeable, any more than are the body and soul. There is just so much matter in the universe and it cannot be destroyed. As I see life on this planet, there is no individuality. It may sound ridiculous to say so, but I believe each person is but a wave passing through space, ever-changing from minute to minute as it travels along, finally, some day, just becoming dissolved."

This quote in particular is used to claim that Tesla did not believe in religion, the soul, or Einsteins physics. None of this is true.

"Ideal" can mean many things, such as "a conception of something in its perfection" or "an ultimate object or aim of endeavor, especially one of high or noble character," but even in its most negative connotation, which I think Tesla was using, it means "something that exists only in the imagination." This is absolutely true. Religion exists only in the mind. However, that does not mean that God also exists only in the imagination. It does not mean that Tesla does not believe in God. In addition, just because religion only exists in the mind, it does not mean that religion is bad. Tesla speaks of religion as a positive, liberating force, "[freeing] the human being from material bonds."

Another quote, which illustrates Tesla's spirituality, is this one, in his autobiography:

"The gift of mental power comes from God, Divine Being, and if we concentrate our minds on that truth, we become in tune with this great power. My Mother had taught me to seek all truth in the Bible; therefore I devoted the next few months to the study of this work."

Tesla attributes the gift of mental prowess to God and not only viewed the Bible as the source of all truth, but apparently devoted months at a time to its study. And this one:

"Peace can only come as a natural consequence of universal enlightenment and merging of races, and we are still far from this blissful realization, because few indeed, will admit the reality  that "God made man in His image"  in which case all earth men are alike. There is in fact but one race, of many colors. Christ is but one person, yet he is of all people, so why do some people think themselves better than some other people?"

So not only did Tesla believe that peace could only come through the realization of the doctrine that we are all alike, but he derived this truth from Christian doctrine. In other words, he used Christian doctrine as a way to say that we all equal and no one is better than any other person. As with most things involving Tesla, we need more of that.